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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26638219">Meaning of Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camelea/pseuds/Camelea'>Camelea</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BeliFaa is the main pairing, Emotional Hurt/No Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, It's not too graphic so I didn't tag it as an archive warning but still proceed carefully, M/M, Mentions of decapitation, Post-What Makes the Sky Blue III: 000 (Granblue Fantasy), Rape/Non-con - Freeform, What Makes the Sky Blue Series Spoilers (Granblue Fantasy), but imo that's still rape, could be read as dubcon i guess, does that count as dirty talk huh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:29:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,816</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26638219</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camelea/pseuds/Camelea</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>So what is love, if not a stack of chemicals stirring a series of reactions inside one’s body? An unwanted influence, altering one’s ability to distinguish right from wrong, to follow their own will.</p><p>In other words, it was a fancy ideal Lucilius had always deemed useless. Yet, trapped in the void as he was, he had been given plenty of time to think. As a result his mind was reduced to meaningless considerations. Going around in circles.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Belial/Lucilius (Granblue Fantasy), Helel Ben Sahar/Lucilius (Granblue Fantasy), Lucifer/Lucilius (Granblue Fantasy)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Meaning of Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the kind of fics I start off a sentence I think sounds cool expecting it will be 2/3k words long and ends up being way longer than that. Well, I went with the flow and honestly didn't expect it to come out the way it did but I'm still happy with the result. As it turns a lot of scenes came to me on the spot as I wrote so I hope it does add up nicely in the end.<br/>As usual I don't have a beta-reader so this work does not have a proper beta. I still did my best to check both grammar and orthography so hopefully there won't be too much slip-ups! Also if you see any tags missing please tell me I'd be happy to add them, I'm still not completely used to tagging ;;</p><p>Hope you'll enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So what is love, if not a stack of chemicals stirring a series of reactions inside one’s body? An unwanted influence, altering one’s ability to distinguish right from wrong, to follow their own will.</p><p> </p><p>In other words, it was a fancy ideal Lucilius had always deemed useless. Yet, trapped in the void as he was, he had been given plenty of time to think. As a result his mind was reduced to meaningless considerations. Going around in circles.</p><p> </p><p>“Love is a mass of contradictions.”</p><p> </p><p>Empty, nonsensical banter. No matter how many times he discarded it, it kept creeping back to his mind. It was obsessing. Not the matter itself, but how the serpent’s words did not show any signs of relenting. Much like their owner.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes, in moments when Lucilius abandoned himself to rest, his irritation grew. What had been the point of his creature’s antics in Etemenanki if, ultimately, he were letting him down? Ever since he was thrown into the void, Lucilius had been fighting alone against the forces at hand. Naturally, he had always abided by his principles. Doing things himself if he wanted them perfectly done. He had had little choice in the Astral society.</p><p> </p><p>Yet, the feeling of loneliness he was experimenting felt old, and it sure did not bring about nostalgia. Back then, he had acknowledged the fact that he would be mocked, rejected by his peers. Besides that, he still had his research. He still had hopes to overturn the world’s order with his beasts. Of course, he was far from giving up on his ambitions. No God was powerful enough to keep him confined forever. His hour would come.</p><p> </p><p>No matter how strong Lucilius had become, trying to make any kind of advance in this environment was exhausting. He could barely move, struggling within chains of dark energy. Each shift of his body was restrained, requiring all of his strength and focus. Yet the most straining was the fact he had no way to know whether he was drawing close to any kind of exit or not. Reality – if it could even be called that – was distorted, and his perceptions altered. He had come to accept that time and space had no hold over the void. Yet haste was out of the question, no matter how much it annoyed him. Making rough moves in urgency was not like him either way.</p><p> </p><p>As always, he could barely make out his surroundings. It was like maneuvering in a thick fog. He had grown accustomed to the heavy feeling seizing his lungs whenever he drew in the slightest breath. He had gotten used to not relying on his sight in this obscure setting. What was still disturbing him, however, were the visions intruding his mind. They seemed to come to him randomly, perhaps when sleep overtook him. They were mere scenes from his past. His peers deriding him, his beasts disobeying his orders, forcing him to make adjustments. The weird balance between thrill and irritation those moments used to be, and the exhaustion that came altogether.</p><p> </p><p>Though, whether he was experimenting them firsthand or witnessing them as a third party, they always appeared altered. Had his memories withered with the passing of time and his two thousand years of absence, or were there other forces at hand? New feelings, or the Speaker’s machinations. Lucilius was considering the latter, remaining oblivious to the former.</p><p> </p><p>All this contemplation was taxing, and he felt like he would soon be unable to make even the smallest progress. He closed his eyes, enhancing the already omnipresent darkness. Once again, he fell into slumber.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Ah. Canaan. It was rare a view, the Speaker likely more prone to show Lucilius bits of his past that had chances to hurt him. Surprisingly, though his days in Canaan had been the busiest times of his life, they were probably also the most peaceful. How ironic, knowing they were at war with the otherworldly forces and he was preparing both the rebellion and his legacy with the Fallen Angels in the shadows.</p><p> </p><p>He remembered quite fondly the advance of his plans, his research, his interactions with his beasts or even Beelzebub. When he used to have the situation under control; before everything was set into motion. At the time, he could have allowed himself a margin of error but did not sense the need to. Everything was perfect. The Astral charged with keeping him under surveillance owed him his life and was wrapped around his little finger. Belial, despite his irritating behavior, was doing a decent job at reinforcing their army and fulfilling his missions. And then, there was Lucifer.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius heard footsteps resonating from afar, interrupting his leisure trip down memory lane. He felt a shudder run down his spine. A fact he had not paid attention to now struck him with evidence. He was not in his office, but in the inner gardens. A curious occurrence indeed, for he rarely went out at all, especially with the purpose of merely gazing at the skies. Now paying closer attention to the background, he could make out the sounds of a battle raging in the distance, along with <em>his</em> presence.</p><p> </p><p>Lucifer.</p><p> </p><p>-My friend…</p><p> </p><p>Without even looking back Lucilius could hear the hesitance in his voice. His unassured tone. The shifts in his usually resplendent posture. His sharp inhales.</p><p>So the time he would have to relive this accursed day had come at last.</p><p> </p><p>-The Fallen Angels are rebelling, led by Belial… I have defeated the Commander on my way here as well.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius turned, finally facing his creation, his gaze moving from blue skies to sky-blue pools. He witnessed his eyes closing, his reluctance, as though he was running from the inevitable. As Lucilius’ chest started to feel slightly tighter, he considered that perhaps Lucifer truly was his most precious beast. Perhaps what he appreciated the most about him was the free will he had purposefully inspired him. The fact that this confrontation was fated.</p><p> </p><p>-I hate to ask you this… Lucifer paused, drawing in a sharp breath.</p><p>Can you confirm that you are the one behind everything that has happened?</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius inhaled and closed his eyes, then exhaled as he reopened them. The soft noise he made in the process could have expressed either disdain or acceptance. There was no point in hiding when he was already discovered.</p><p> </p><p>-Why ask a question you already know the answer to? I have known you smarter than that, Lucifer.</p><p> </p><p>No spite in his words. No anger. All he was doing was spitting facts. That is who he was.</p><p>To that Lucifer nodded. He did not utter a thing. They both knew it was pointless.</p><p> </p><p>As Lucifer readied his katana, Lucilius steadied his grip on his staff. He had created Lucifer to be perfect in all aspects. A projection of himself that came to him in dreams. He was well aware that his own weak body would do little to fight back the Supreme Primarch.</p><p> </p><p>Steel clashed against steel. Lucilius was pushed back by the impact. His stance was far from unstable, he was just no match for his opponent. He endured multiple blows, but defeat was only a matter of time. It always has been. That is why he left his legacy into good care.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius’ breathing came heavy, in strained pants. He could have given a shot at summoning his magic, he considered. At least that part of his abilities was not on the weak side. He was still forced to move back, but he finally decided to prepare one last resort.</p><p> </p><p>As he braced himself to cast his spell, his talon struck something behind him, making him trip. He fell backwards, rolling on his side to escape a blow that could’ve been fatal. One of his arms hit something. A chair. As he unsteadily got back to his feet, he realized where they were. That spot of the inner gardens Lucifer was so fond of.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius raised his gaze, his eyes sinking into Lucifer’s. It was too late to regain his balance, let alone begin a new incantation. In sky-blue pools that reflected his, he saw the Supreme Primarch’s will waver for an instant. Fleeting, but definitely there. The hesitation, the reluctance, the pain even. All those he had felt when Lucifer had come to meet him.</p><p> </p><p>He witnessed his creation’s blade’s every movement. How he raised it. How it drew closer to him. How it aimed to end him.</p><p> </p><p>He blocked one jab with his staff. The last one. With that, his weapon was kicked off his hands. It was how it ended, Lucilius knew. He knew because all of that was a scene from the past. Because he had already lived this long ago. At last, a smile crept its way on his features. Not because he was relieved to know how things would turn out two thousand years later. Not because he was mocking the Supreme Primarch either.</p><p> </p><p>As he struggled to understand that last reaction of his, he was swallowed into darkness over again.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>It had been a while since the black fog had felt so suffocating to Lucilius. He could feel <em>his</em> presence. Oh, how the Speaker must have been enjoying the show of his sorry state. Allowing himself to become so flustered was disgraceful. But soon Lucilius’ frustration led way to anger. Towards the Gods. Towards Sahar. A clone? The will to reach closer to the model he’d been based on at birth, or so he had been told. Absurdities.</p><p> </p><p>Lucifer was nothing like Sahar. Though their names may bear a resembling significance, their actions and personalities were entirely different. It was true Lucifer had chosen to oppose Lucilius in fulfilling the duties of a Supreme Primarch and watch over the world, but he had done so through actions, of his own free-will. He was not a drone controlled by any kind of God. Not even Lucilius had had a grasp over his choices. Not even feelings had strayed him from his path. From both their paths…</p><p> </p><p>Even their resemblance appearance-wise was naught. While Lucifer shined a resplendent white, the Speaker was dull. There was only deception in his deep blue eyes, while the Supreme Primarch’s gleamed of calm and compassion. Sahar concealed his true motives and personality behind petty tricks and pretty smiles. Lucifer needed none of that. He radiated with confidence and determination, both enhanced by the brilliant glow that was his power.</p><p> </p><p>The council and his fellow Astrals had always belittled his beasts as though they were mere mindless drones. Lucilius knew better. Compared to his creations the Speaker was but an empty shell designed to thoughtlessly enforce the will of undeserving Gods. He could hardly accept any form of analogy made between the Supreme Primarch. No. He would never acknowledge any of those. Hell, even Belial demonstrated more free-will than that pawn. Even Belial had gone against his creator’s judgement on multiple occasions…</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps that was not the best parallel to make. The Primarch of Cunning had some talent to get on his nerves, he’d recognize that as fact. The way he would always make it a point of honor to take ages to carry out even the simplest tasks to satisfy his playful instincts. The way he would always find ways to deviate what Lucilius or anyone else told him. The way he had acted illogically and proved useless before they both got thrown into the void…</p><p> </p><p>That irritation he felt when thinking about Belial was far different from what resonated within his chest as he contemplated Lucifer. The latter rang truer, purer. Out of reach. Perhaps so fleeting it was actually nonexistent. On the contrary, the emotions that traversed him when it came to the serpent were no doubt dirtier. Like an irrepressible need to be cruel towards him, to constantly remind him of his place. Of course Belial paid him back in kind, showing off like he enjoyed such treatment. Maybe there lied the source of those urges. He could hardly tell which had come first. It mattered little, for it aroused a weird sense of fondness in him. A feeling awkward but not unwelcomed. Surely a kind of nostalgia.</p><p> </p><p>Obviously, that was not all there was to Lucilius’ relationship with Belial, or he would hardly have entrusted him with the Grand Finale. He would never go so far as to call it faith, but he was forced to admit that the serpent was reliable. The Primarch of Cunning was actually not a pain to work with, once Lucilius forgot about the butterflies in his stomach, which he credited his exasperation for.</p><p> </p><p>Had he been able to, Lucilius would have sighed. Here he was again, going around in circles. That was pathetic. Dwelling on his frustrations concerning people out of his reach would do him little good. What was the point of letting wistfulness settle in his heart when all around him was void of anything. Anything but his wandering mind and the Speaker’s proximity. Oh, how he loathed that reminder of his restrained, pitiful state. At this point, hearing mockery would have barely surprised him.</p><p> </p><p>He let his mind go adrift again, hoping it would speed up his theoretical advance through the void. He had no proof it did any good to improve his situation, but if it could at least slow down the madness threatening to win him over, it was his best option.</p><p> </p><p>That is when it happened. Instead of the usual languor, it was a touch that seized him. After losing the notion of both time and space, it felt like an oasis in the desert.</p><p> </p><p>It started as a strong grip around his wrist. Not enough to hurt, but far from gentle. Then, Lucilius sensed a body lie against his back. The contact was scorching.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius turned pale. He knew that body, that weigh. Perhaps better than anyone else. And, as much as he wanted to curse both its owner and the situation itself, he could do little to fight off the reactions the brush of flesh against his skin stirred in his chest.</p><p> </p><p><em>Speaker!</em> He would have yelled, had he been able to.</p><p> </p><p>Thick smog entered his nose and opened mouth instead. Asphyxiating. Soon, contrary feelings assaulted his brain in the midst of the fog. He never had entertained fantasies about Lucifer, nor had he ever dreamt of laying a hand on the Supreme Primarch. He was leagues away from imagining such behavior. But the heat he sensed coiling in his stomach left little to the imagination.</p><p> </p><p><em>So much for trying to abjure their likeliness, </em>he thought bitterly.</p><p> </p><p>He hated Sahar for taking advantage of him as he was rendered powerless. But moreover he hated himself, his own body. Betraying him in the most crucial moment. Falling for such mischievous, dirty tricks was unbecoming of his grandeur.</p><p> </p><p>He shifted uncomfortably against burning skin. Struggling to get out of the embrace. Knowing it was a lost cause.</p><p> </p><p>-Why do you refuse yourself to me?</p><p> </p><p>The words sneaked directly into his mind. He could not reply. The only thing he could do was refuse what was requested of him. He would not return to the Gods who made him their plaything. Even if that meant losing his dignity to the Speaker.</p><p> </p><p>-Why, the man started, his fingers ghosting over Lucilius’ groin, do you keep denying yourself.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius’ mouth opened reflexively. Where an elicited moan should have escaped entered more fog. Heavy and suffocating. Seeing himself crumpling so easily did little to soothe his ego. He could hear the superiority in Sahar’s tone. The way the Speaker was talking down to him made him fully grasp how he intended to toy with him. To wreck him. A snicker resonated. Had he been free, Lucilius would have punched the man.</p><p> </p><p>Soon, his clothing was gone. All that remained were the Speaker’s intrusive hands. They poked, pricked and pinched, tentatively exploring his flesh. Nails scarred his skin. Teeth plunged into his throat, marking him.</p><p>Lucilius jolted as he felt the fluffy contact of short white hair at the nape of his neck.</p><p> </p><p>-At least your body is honest.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius damned the smile in his voice. He would get revenge. He would crush that...</p><p>The flow of his thoughts interrupted when a hand grabbed his dick. He thrust into it. In spite of himself. Curses.</p><p> </p><p>-I wonder… What makes you so eager?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I-I’m not…!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-Is it the shape I have chosen to appear before you?</p><p> </p><p>Sweat rolled along Lucilius’ backbone. He shuddered, drawing out a sneer from the Speaker. Easy to read.</p><p> </p><p>-Should I revert to my original form?</p><p> </p><p>Naturally, Sahar did not wait for an answer. He transformed, making Lucilius acutely aware of the changes in his body. His chest was more chiseled, and his muscles thicker. His long hair tickled his hips disturbingly. For the first time in ages Lucilius felt hopelessly weak. So weak he could have thrown up. With the pressure of the fog on his lungs he was under the impression his heart was ready to burst. In addition to his skin combusting under the Speaker’s touch, it seemed like hell.</p><p> </p><p>The hands that prodded him chaotically before now moved with renewed purpose. One was still encircling his cock while the other crept its way down his spine. Straightforward, the Speaker’s ministrations clouded Lucilius’ mind with lust. He should have done something to escape. Anything.</p><p> </p><p>He pulled out all the last bids of strength and lucidity he still had in himself to escape from the clutch that had him trapped. A last resort.</p><p>It only resulted in the grip around him growing tighter, and his hips bucking slightly into Sahar’s groin. What he sensed there filled him with awe. He could easily picture the smug expression Sahar must have been wearing. He did not need to look at the man for his breath to catch, which was an exploit to wring out of him since he was barely breathing in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>When Lucilius came back to his senses after yet another wave of thick fog, he knew he was lost.</p><p> </p><p>-You keep on misbehaving, the Speaker stated as he inserted one finger inside Lucilius’ ass. The voice sounded more self-assured. More domineering.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius hissed. One finger could barely be called a stretch and the burn it caused him already felt unbearable. What was that supposed to be, Punishment? He’d take it. He’d show it takes more to beat him down.</p><p> </p><p>-Since you insist on refusing to come back to me, I will have to take you my own way.</p><p> </p><p>A second finger entered him, and he gasped. At this point, the hand pumping his cock already did nothing to alleviate the pain he felt. He was being spread, and Sahar likely had pointedly decided that it would hurt. Worse, he was certain that only two fingers would not be enough for what plans the man had in mind. He grit his teeth. Grin and bear it, they said. He could hardly apply the first part. He was forced to comply with the second.</p><p> </p><p>As a third finger made its way into his hole, the Speaker bit his ear, licking on the sensitive appendage. Lucilius’ eyes shot wide open, only for his view to be greeted by deep darkness. It sent sparkles down his spine when the hands toying with him fell into a rhythm, the one buried deep in him suddenly hitting one spot in particular. It was not all pain anymore, the hints of pleasure soon threatened to overtake his far-gone intellect.</p><p> </p><p>And then, it all stopped. For a second, Lucilius was once again left all alone, without contact nor carnality. Lost.</p><p> </p><p>-We will be one.</p><p> </p><p>Words, whispered. Deafening compared to all the nonsense the Speaker had spouted until then. Something wide, thicker and remarkably slicker filled him. It had only taken one thrust to Sahar to bury himself to the hilt inside Lucilius. Which, compared to the dry fingers that had been in the shaft’s place a few seconds prior, felt like heaven.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius was letting go, giving in to the Speaker’s pounding. It started agonizingly slow. All of his muscles were focused on the bliss they were submitted to. He was pained not to be able to move, not because he sought to run away, but because part of him wished to chase after release. The ambient obscurity was ridiculous stacked up against how blinding his desire was.</p><p> </p><p>It definitely was a moment of firsts, for Lucilius could hardly remember any other time when his better judgment had abandoned him. He could hardly remember anything at all, actually. All that mattered was the slap of flesh against flesh, and how it felt perfect yet somehow never fast enough. Never had he experienced such sense of completion, or had he? He was close to it… so close.</p><p> </p><p>-Is that what you hoped to achieve by fusing yours and Lucifer’s bodies? Completion? Sahar taunted as he sped up his thrusts.</p><p> </p><p>Was that accursed Speaker reading his mind like an open book? Lucilius wondered while a pang of guilt assaulted him in crashing waves. He gulped as a rough buck hit right on his sweet spot, sending pleasure buzzing through his head. Blurring his thoughts.</p><p>Lucifer was different, in many ways. Lucilius had never wished for such things to happen with him. He had never wished for a different outcome. Yet why did something akin to regret seem to seize his chest?</p><p> </p><p><em>Do not speak his name!</em> Lucilius itched to yell.</p><p> </p><p>Words soon forgotten facing the pressure building in his guts and his enraptured mind. The Speaker’s hands, that had rested on Lucilius’ hips for a while now, left their spot to travel up his body. One pinched a nipple as the other went for his mouth. A finger parted his lips, and suddenly he felt lighter. It was faint, but he felt that he could move ever so slightly. The fog was also less thick around him.</p><p> </p><p>-Go ahead.</p><p> </p><p>Another whisper, close to the shell of his ear. The feeling of teeth grazing.</p><p> </p><p>-Chase your pleasure.</p><p> </p><p>Delirious, Lucilius sucked on the fingers offered to him. He started to respond to Sahar’s thrusts in kind. They quickly fell into a frantic rhythm and all the moans his mouth had contained since they had started escaped him, turning into groans. It was too much to bear.</p><p> </p><p>-All those years you’ve spent making Lucifer into your ideals, only to realize he was not what you sought.</p><p> </p><p><em>Shut up</em>… Lucilius would have said if his mind was still his to command.</p><p> </p><p>-Only I can bestow your desires on you. Grant you what you yearn.</p><p> </p><p><em>What do </em>you<em> know</em>.</p><p> </p><p>-Eventually, you will come to me and, finally, we will reunite.</p><p> </p><p>Ropes of thick liquid shot deeply within Lucilius. His mind went blank, stars filling his obscured vision. He came, his own neglected cock finally relieved of the coiling pressure it had built. The intensity of climax made him pass out, a single tear rolling down his cheek as he lost consciousness. For the first time, Lucilius had cried.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Everything around was black. Not the fog he’d been used to as of late. Actual darkness, that of slumber and respite.</p><p> </p><p>It took a few seconds to Lucilius to reminisce what had just befallen him. Sahar had made his move to subdue him at last. Unfortunately for the Speaker, his mind had cleared enough for him to think calmly again. Yet he feared those encounters might become more frequent, and above all he dreaded his own reactions to them.</p><p> </p><p>To what extent could his own will be altered through physical and emotional manipulation. What sort of weakness was that. If the spite he held towards Sahar had not changed an inch, how could he explain his body’s compliance? Was that due to feelings he had buried after discovering he was the Gods’ toy, or was it an older reminiscence, of a past that had never been his?</p><p> </p><p>For the first time in his life, Lucilius was concerned that he might not be able to solve his current predicament alone. Who knew how he would act the next time the Speaker assaulted him. Who knew if this time he’s heart would not betray him the way his body did. Still, there was little point in concerning himself over issues he could not work out. Lucilius tried to refocus on something else.</p><p> </p><p>After passing out, all he had regained was mere awareness, and he suspected one of the numerous visions Sahar had sent his way to bloom into existence in a matter of minutes. He could hardly guess what it would be, even though he did have a hunch. What he could do, however, was reflect on the Speaker’s last words to him. And the emotions it had sprouted within his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Even now, thinking about Lucifer, he could affirm with certainty that he never entertained carnal desires towards the Supreme Primarch. The fact that his body had reacted to Sahar’s impersonation was no proof. Why, then, had regrets overwhelmed him?</p><p> </p><p>He mentally pictured his own form, seeing himself with twelve black wings, taller and stronger than before. He had longed for that power. He had desired to overcome his own shortcomings by edging closer to Supreme Primarch’s splendor. Why, then, did his chest feel so tight?</p><p> </p><p>Before Lucilius could come up with an answer, his vision blurred, slowly coloring itself. This time he had not been granted a body. Would he be a spectator of his past self like he usually was… or else?</p><p> </p><p>As he suspected, what appeared before him was the lab’s inner gardens. He distinguished his own corpse lying on the ground. His head, that had been cut clear of his body, was resting atop the table. Lucifer was still there, kneeling before him. He did not talk. His face was solemn, Lucilius could tell even with his closed eyes. It was faint, but Lucilius could easily perceive his slightly shaking shoulders. His right hand was propped on his katana’s guard. It tried to stay firm, but Lucilius could guess its trembling.</p><p> </p><p>Seeing his own corpse next to Lucifer’s living form, Lucilius understood the tightness in his chest. That day, any kind of reunion had been forbidden to them. From their battle had been decided that one would never exist without the other’s body anymore. They would never meet again. At least that is what science would tell, because that was how cores worked.</p><p> </p><p>Lucifer stood and his lids uncovered his eyes, sorrow hidden behind a blue as deep as the expanse of the skies. As he stared into those pools, Lucilius felt pained. Had he had a body of his own at that moment his chest would have hurt to the point of throwing up.</p><p> </p><p><em>I know it is impossible, but I wish I could share a few moments with you, one last time</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius knew of his incoherency, but he could not stop his own thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>After a while of standing still, Lucifer tore the white cloth his belt adorned, fully removing it. Unhurriedly he drew closer to the corpse, making sure not to touch it inadvertently. As though he did not want to disturb its rest.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, he wiped the blood that had been shed. Was he trying to purify the place that held such a special meaning to him, or was he paying his last respects to his creator? Perhaps it was both. Perhaps neither. He held the cloth before him for an instant, looking unsure of what to do with it as he was still struggling to maintain his composure. His hesitations led him to eventually attach it back to his belts. Lucilius ached.</p><p> </p><p><em>So I did soil you in the end</em>.</p><p> </p><p>More than remorse it was realization that struck him. Maybe had it been love. Love irrational. Love illogical. A mass of contradiction, something that had him keep what he held precious close, but never close enough to tarnish its splendid glow. Perhaps only that could explain the suffering he felt. Surely such feelings had never been meant to be in the first place. Not for him. Not for them.</p><p> </p><p>The echoes of the battle that raged afar had yet to subside, and the menacing sound of an explosion eventually reached the Supreme Primarch’s ears, disturbing the calm. He yet had a mission to fulfill. A purpose he had chosen. With a tinge of regret still in his eyes, Lucifer left hastily, determination guiding his steps. A dark shadow was looming in the distance.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius expected the vision to end, or to continue in another place, at another time. It did not. He discerned footsteps approaching. They sounded shaky and unassured. Somewhat heavy, also.</p><p> </p><p><em>Belial</em>.</p><p> </p><p>In contrast to the Supreme Primarch, Belial had lost his characteristic composure. His expression seemed to wither the closer he drew to the terrace. Added to the multiple scars and cuts that had him covered in blood, it made up a sorry picture.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why are you here. You’re not supposed to…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius cut his complaints short, transfixed by Belial’s face. The serpent had dropped to his knees right before his creator’s head. Lucilius had actually never seen so much emotion seeping from Belial’s eyes. Something raw and sincere. It was indescribable, far from the usual mask of cunning he wore. Lucilius swore he could feel shivers running down his spine as he witnessed the mixing wrath and despair contained within scarlet pools. It was overwhelming.</p><p> </p><p>Belial’s trembling hands raised towards the head, stopping short as hair grazed his palms. He did not dare to explore further, only patting a few strands. Had he been checking that it was not an illusion?</p><p> </p><p>His gaze then moved hesitantly towards Lucilius’ dead body. One of the serpent’s hands gripped his own belly right away, as his eyes widened, and his teeth clenched. He spasmed, seemingly ready to burst into angry tears at any rate. He was shaking so much that he looked possessed.</p><p> </p><p><em>Why does it… hurt</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius had no idea why he felt both pain and relief as he watched Belial crumble before him. He should have been upset, admonished him, even, for straying from his part in the mission. So why?</p><p> </p><p>Unsteady fingers returned to the head still lying atop the table. This time, they did not stop their course, lifting the dead mass as Belial got back to his feet. He nervously brought his creator’s face to his, slightly pressing their cheeks together. Belial’s expression seemed to crumple when he met the already cold skin.</p><p>With all the care and respect in the world, he put the head back where it had been.</p><p> </p><p>There was something disturbing about seeing your own corpse being handled successively by two of your most precious creations. Yet all Lucilius could focus on was that he might have been crying, had he been awake. It was not sorrow he felt. Merely the weight of unusual emotions.</p><p> </p><p><em>You have more important matters to tend to, why are you still here</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Once again Lucilius could not stop his mind’s gears to function, but this time it felt like it tore his heart. He knew the answers to that question. After all, the very person he sought to ask had already provided them. He himself was aware of what his feelings entailed. But there is a gap between understanding and acknowledgment. Eventually, the latter would come.</p><p> </p><p>-Faa-san.</p><p> </p><p>The call was more akin to whining than to intelligible words.</p><p> </p><p>-Faa-san…!</p><p> </p><p>The voice had straightened, but it still sounded shaky.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You were aware of the plan. Do not tell me you were hoping to stop me. Do not…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-I’m sorry.</p><p> </p><p>How out of character. How pitiful. It stirred in Lucilius the almost forgotten need to bully his beast. Or so he thought, until he noticed the look of unwavering determination in Belial’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Panic-stricken footsteps echoed from somewhere too close. Along came the familiar clanks of a katana colliding with belts. Belial seemingly stiffened, a crazed smile gracing his features as he looked away. His time was up.</p><p> </p><p>-I will be back, Faa-san.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>-Fa… n…</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius opened his eyes, gradually coming to his senses. Around him was the usual fog and the darkness that came along with it. It was almost comforting, to feel his own body again. Even though it did somewhat ache. He quivered, remembering the events from before he woke up.  </p><p> </p><p>The Speaker’s assault. His shrewd words and devious behavior. Lucilius had only contemplated his own doubts, but what did those involve on Sahar’s part. It was none of his concern, yet perhaps there was a justification hiding behind faked self-confidence. What secret hopes could be concealed behind the need to go to such lengths only to “bring Lucilius back to him”?</p><p>-Fa… an…</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps the Speaker’s heart had its reasons, of which reason knew nothing. He must have been desperate, making use of emotional manipulation to coax Lucilius into returning to him. Without mentioning what he had done.</p><p> </p><p>But Lucilius would not yield. He had set himself a goal that he intended to fulfill. And he was not alone on the road towards that end.</p><p> </p><p>-Faa… an…</p><p> </p><p>Why did it feel someone was calling out to him?</p><p> </p><p>-Faa…san…</p><p> </p><p>The sudden burst of sound gave him a start. He knew that voice. Better than any other, perhaps, for better or for worse. He could not call back, nor could he try to reach out for its owner.</p><p> </p><p>-Faa-san!</p><p> </p><p>Fingers delicately closed around his wrist. The touch was gentle, far from the rough treatment he had been subjected to before he had passed out. It was just the right temperature to soothe him, not too cold but far from scorching. One could have said it was a perfect fit. And Lucilius would probably have punched said person in the face.</p><p> </p><p>-Can you hear me?</p><p> </p><p><em>You idiot</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius gave a nod. A hand slid against his back, bringing them closer. The distance was barely enough for him to sense his hair graze Belial’s cheek. It made his heart pound slightly faster. At that, he also realized that he still felt freer of his movement than he used to be, as his beast had moved him without too much trouble.</p><p> </p><p>-Can you see me?</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head no. He now had the confirmation that he was the only one in his predicament. Since he had primal characteristics like the others he had met in the void, the reason lied elsewhere. Perhaps the Speaker’s schemes only entailed restraining him. To keep him prisoner. What trial could have Belial gone through until they reunited?</p><p> </p><p>-So you’re still trapped, huh? You’ll have to wait for me a little longer until I figure that out.</p><p> </p><p>Instinctively, Lucilius clang to Belial’s arm, shifting a tad closer to a huddling position.</p><p> </p><p>-Faa-san…</p><p> </p><p>Belial, who had sounded lightly anxious when he had arrived, was back to his regular playful mannerism.</p><p> </p><p>-You wouldn’t mean to tell me that you’ve been missing me and that you’re too scared of losing me again?</p><p> </p><p>The comment earned Belial a shove in the ribs, that he would admit he had partially deserved. Only partially.</p><p> </p><p>-Really there’s no shame in that, although you’ve got no idea what that would <em>do</em> to me.</p><p> </p><p>He laughed like he had uttered the funniest joke that had ever been pronounced. Lucilius considered disposing of him whenever they got free, but soon reconsidered. He could hardly get rid of one of his sole remaining allies.</p><p> </p><p>-Actually, I might have come up with an idea that wouldn’t require me to leave, Belial assessed.</p><p> </p><p><em>Stop beating around the bush, you’re wasting my time</em>, Lucilius would have died to scold him.</p><p> </p><p>-Well, I’m not sure you’d like that option though, but that’s probably our best shot, the serpent warned.</p><p> </p><p><em>Get down with it already, we don’t have all day</em>.</p><p> </p><p>An inquiring finger lifted his chin slightly, seemingly asking for consent before going further. When Lucilius realized what direction this was likely to take, one second too late, he considered he should’ve had waited for a better warning. His heartbeat was already deafening.</p><p> </p><p>Stranger lips met his, velvety skin caressing dry yet plush flesh. The motion was far from forceful. A simple and respectful brush. It would not stop there, however, the instigator rapidly growing hungry, surely already trying to contain himself. Teeth grazed over Lucilius’ lower lip, leaving them intact. A sign just enough to ask for an opening. Which he granted.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius parted his lips, first into a slit where Belial’s tongue sneaked. It hardly took long before the kiss changed into an opened-mouth kiss. Their tongues intertwined, toying with each other. At the cost of his self-esteem, Lucilius relented both control and domination. After all, it was Belial’s plan. Soon, the beast was sucking into his mouth, which elicited the hint of a moan.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius was almost taken aback at the sound of his own voice, or what it was akin to. First because he had not heard it while awake and conscious of his actions for what had felt like ages. Second because he had no idea that he was likely to produce sounds of such a nature.</p><p> </p><p>Still, he did his best to stabilize himself and help Belial in his task… whatever that was supposed to be. Of course, they were only performing this to free him of his unpractical condition. There was nothing else to it. Especially not the furious blush he could tell his cheeks were adorning. Nor the frantic pace of his heartbeat.</p><p> </p><p>Gradually, Lucilius felt his body growing lighter, as though the strain caused by the fog was being relieved. His throat felt clearer and his lungs less obstructed. As for his eyes, that had reflexively closed when they had started, it seemed that the view beyond his lids was becoming brighter. Hesitantly, he opened them.</p><p> </p><p>The first thing that entered his field of vision was, of course, Belial. He was looking at him into the eye, signs of fondness filling scarlet when their gazes met. A feeling Lucilius would have reciprocated had he not been assaulted by concern at the sight of Belial’s pupils turning from white to black and horns growing slowly on his forehead.</p><p> </p><p>He tried to fight off the embrace in hopes to revert the process, unsuccessfully. A hand had snaked its way inside his white locks, maintaining him gently but firmly in place. Only when he was back to his normal self and Belial was fully transformed did they interrupt their kiss.</p><p> </p><p>-Are you out of your mind? What if it had disrupted your vital functions? Lucilius admonished his creation while still a bit out of breath.</p><p> </p><p>In front of him, Belial was panting. His lips were decorated with a smug grin, nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>-Faa-san, as much as I’m delighted to see you worried for little old me, everything’s fine. I surmised what kept you locked into your state had to be chaos matter, which I can absorb into a second core and dispose of at any time.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius’ nose wrinkled, and he frowned, unconvinced. How dare Beelzebub alter his precious beasts with such soiled substances.</p><p> </p><p>-What if that hadn’t been the case?</p><p> </p><p>Belial stared back, plunging his eyes into Lucilius’ glare.</p><p> </p><p>-You don’t mean to tell me you didn’t like our little tryst, do you? That’d hurt. Especially after seeing you so responsive and enthusiast.</p><p> </p><p>Lucilius kicked Belial’s leg, making him stumble into the empty space.</p><p> </p><p>Finally getting a look at the void made him understand its properties. It was like an endless room, always lit in a dark-grey light. There was no door nor anything resembling an opening. They had to figure a way out.</p><p> </p><p>-Have you found any means to escape while you were going after me?</p><p> </p><p>-I didn’t have time to. Poor me has been fighting tooth and nail against the Speaker to get to you. He finally relented recently, and I managed to reach you right away. We’ll have to think about an escape route from now on.</p><p> </p><p>-Then we’d better start now.</p><p> </p><p>Without adding anything, Belial nodded, not quite releasing his hold on Lucilius’ hand.</p><p> </p><p>As they drifted away in search of an escape route, Lucilius reflected on the new feelings he’d probably have to cope with sooner than he’d wish for. Perhaps love was indeed a mass of contradictions. Perhaps sometimes it was not wrong. Surely it came in all kinds of ways and intensities. Sometimes pure, sometimes akin to anger and hatred. Sometimes comprised somewhere in the middle. There was no rule, there was no explanation for what lengths it made people go to.</p><p> </p><p>As for his own feelings, all he could do was temper with them so they would not alter his decisions. And take Belial down a peg or two.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>With Belial being released today in GBVS I finally found the motivation to edit and post this work! Although the small bits of lore we got from his quotes and the few quests that were added makes me question the end I chose for this fic I decided to keep it that way, since I'd say we're still lacking more consistent information about how the void might work and I didn't want to make it seem unnatural/edited out of nowhere. </p><p>Besides that, I've got a bunch of more or less finished drafts I still need to edit, and I hope I'll be able to publish new works soon! I'll try posting a bit more consistently from now on, so if you liked this fic and/or my other works I'd love it if you checked the other stuff I write :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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